Vignettes

For some reason, I thought up a bunch of this as I was trying to fall asleep, so I typed it into the computer quickly and then I did finally fall asleep. :)

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Skywriting, but the ground version. Instead of a plane, a giant dog comes and poops your name on the lawn.

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That annoying thing you do, it's SUPER annoying and I know you're just doing it to avoid paying taxes. I'm going to tell the government unless you stop.

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She sat, the Czar of... well, the original purpose of the department had long been forgotten. Maybe something something protection something? Somebody asked:

"I'm concerned that as the Head of the Union of Social Workers, she will be against the large scale imprisonment and killing of people for no reason."

"Don't worry," she replied cooly, commanding the attention of all five of us who were now in charge of everything, in the green cement-block room, with a rectangular metal table, no windows, and metal chairs that we all sat at, in no apparent order, but our places fixed absolutely and unchanging for each day when we met to discuss the next plan.

"People don't like unions."

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God!! Why can't I turn off voice acting in Mario!

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The bicycle, it turned out, was no flight of fancy. It was real. Now, we just had to build one.

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Thrift stores are full of survivors.

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First, God made a man. Then he took a rib from the man, and made a woman. Then, he threw out the original man, took a rib from the woman, and made a SECOND man. Then he threw out the original woman, took a rib from the second man, and made a SECOND WOMAN. He kept doing this, back and forth, over and over, but he was always too afraid to show his work to anybody, because he didn't think it was very good, you see making humans was hard and especially he couldn't get the hands right. And so he never did.

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Put on noise cancelling headphones, but that on the outside emit a piercing beep. Then, put on an eye mask, but that blinks annoyingly on the outside. Finally now strangers will stop crawling into your bed while you sleep.

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The happy old people are always like "be kind to one another" and the wirnkles in their faces say that can't be bad advice :)

Except my grandma would chase and be very angry at a squirrel who she called "saucy" and accused of mocking her, but she wasn't wrong.

November 17, 2015


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